Chapter One:
“Life is just more comfortable if you’re honest and open about everything. I spend so many years being in the closet about one thing or another.”
-Antony Sher
I knew I was different back when I was a teenager. My cousin and I went to the same high school and every other week she had a new crush on a boy. While she went boy crazy, I stayed my distance since I wasn’t really interested in trying to have a relationship with the opposite sex. Sure I had some experiences like having my first kiss with a guy, but I just couldn’t understand what the big deal was.
I noticed that I was different than all my other girl cousins when I first had my real crush with one of my friends – and yes, my friend was a girl. I knew right then and there that my tastes were unlike all the other girls in school. Couple years later, I told my closest cousin that I liked girls and she wasn’t surprised at all:
Me: I have to tell you something
Cousin: What? What’s wrong babes?
Me: Well you see [long pause] I have a crush on my friend…I really do like her…It’s like I get butterflies in my stomach every time I’m around her…
Cousin: So…You’re a lesbian then…Right?
Me: [pauses] Well…Yeah…I am…I’m a lesbian.
[Brief moment of silence between us]
Cousin: I KNEW IT!!!
Me: WHAT???
Cousin: Dude, since freshmen year I knew you’ll end up telling me you like girls cause you never seemed to have a crush on a guy. I was like “Watch this chick telling me she gay later on…”
Me: But…But…How did you know? I mean I didn’t even know myself…
Cousin: It’s the way you act sometimes…You gave off signs and signals…
Me: Oh…
Of course when I came out to my aunt a couple years after that, it wasn’t really all that welcoming:
Aunt: So, is it true that you’re a lesbian?
Me: [long pause] Yeah…
[Very long awkward pause]
Aunt: You’re going to hell…
Me: Ok…
I was so scared of coming out of the closet. But after that, I actually felt better and even started to love myself more. Sure not everyone embraces homosexuality, but I learned that you can never please everybody. It doesn’t make sense to be someone you’re not just to satisfy people. Ever since the day I came out, I’ve learned a lot about myself not only as a person, but also what I’m all about.
Right now, I’m very content with where my life is going. I have friends who accept and love me. I even have most of my family members who accept me and I feel a lot more confident now that I have no secrets to hide. I don’t care what people think about my orientation. It’s my life. Not theirs.