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My Life as a Rainbow: Coming Out

By Denise Gotay
On February 17, 2012

Chapter One:

"Life is just more comfortable if you're honest and open about everything. I spend so many years being in the closet about one thing or another."

-Antony Sher

 

I knew I was different back when I was a teenager. My cousin and I went to the same high school and every other week she had a new crush on a boy. While she went boy crazy, I stayed my distance since I wasn't really interested in trying to have a relationship with the opposite sex. Sure I had some experiences like having my first kiss with a guy, but I just couldn't understand what the big deal was.

 

I noticed that I was different than all my other girl cousins when I first had my real crush with one of my friends – and yes, my friend was a girl. I knew right then and there that my tastes were unlike all the other girls in school. Couple years later, I told my closest cousin that I liked girls and she wasn't surprised at all:

 

Me: I have to tell you something

Cousin: What? What's wrong babes?

Me: Well you see [long pause] I have a crush on my friend…I really do like her…It's like I get butterflies in my stomach every time I'm around her…

Cousin: So…You're a lesbian then…Right?

Me: [pauses] Well…Yeah…I am…I'm a lesbian.

[Brief moment of silence between us]

Cousin: I KNEW IT!!!

Me: WHAT???

Cousin: Dude, since freshmen year I knew you'll end up telling me you like girls cause you never seemed to have a crush on a guy. I was like "Watch this chick telling me she gay later on…"

Me: But…But...How did you know? I mean I didn't even know myself…

Cousin: It's the way you act sometimes…You gave off signs and signals…

Me: Oh…

 

Of course when I came out to my aunt a couple years after that, it wasn't really all that welcoming:

 

Aunt: So, is it true that you're a lesbian?

Me: [long pause] Yeah…

[Very long awkward pause]

Aunt: You're going to hell…

Me: Ok…

I was so scared of coming out of the closet. But after that, I actually felt better and even started to love myself more. Sure not everyone embraces homosexuality, but I learned that you can never please everybody. It doesn't make sense to be someone you're not just to satisfy people. Ever since the day I came out, I've learned a lot about myself not only as a person, but also what I'm all about.

 

Right now, I'm very content with where my life is going. I have friends who accept and love me. I even have most of my family members who accept me and I feel a lot more confident now that I have no secrets to hide. I don't care what people think about my orientation. It's my life. Not theirs.


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