Question:
Since school is over in two weeks, I need to know what to do! I have been seeing this guy the whole school year, although we have not made it official, it is pretty much a serious relationship. The problem I have is he is graduating, and I still have another year at UB. He got a job in another state, and I will only be able to see him once in a while. I do not know how to bring this up and start the conversation of what we are going to do, If I do not bring it up, I know he will not, and we will probably lose eachother, and I do not want that to happen! What can I do ?She Said
This beginning part might be a little irrelevent to your direct question, but I have to ask….If you say that this is serious relationship, how do you not know, after being with this man for the entire school year whether you are official or not? The reason why you do not know this is beyond me, and maybe you should start thinking about it too. I mean, it is ok to be causually dating for a couple months, but by eight months in a “serious” relationship, you should know. I mean it is not that hard…are you seeing other people ? Is he seeing other people? I do not know, there seems to be a lack of communication in this relationship, which gets back to your original question. Talk to him! That is pretty much all you can do. Simply say “I know you are graduating, and I am staying here, and where is our relationship going after you leave?” If he does not want to talk about it seriously , then you need to let this guy go. If he does want to stay together after he leaves, you need to have a whole other talk. Like are you going to date other people, or how much you are going to make an effort to see eachother. This talk about him moving, I am sorry to say is going to make or break your relationship, but it needs to happen. Honestly if it does not work out the way you like, you will not wind up wasting anymore time on a relationship that has no future. If he does tell you what he wants, good for you, it takes alot to have a long distance realtionship so know what you are getting in to. The good news about this situation is you will finally know where you stand in his life, and if you want to keep him in yours.
He Said
Well a typical college problem, I just want to say first relax. The way I see it is long distance relationships do not work, but if you are in love and care about each other a lot, and it sounds like you do, it will work out. I believe that when you have a relationship especially one that has no true boundaries or labels and it still stays strong and monogamous then it can withstand almost anything. You should just sit your man down and just have the conversation basically talking about what he sees in your future together and then you tell him your ideas. From there you can come to some sort of agreement. Eventually if you want the relationship to go further than you will have to label yourself and move from there. Your heart and feelings are sometimes stronger that you realize. What I do have to tell you that the only way it will work is through lots of open communication and frequent visits. It will not be easy, but if you both make certain sacrifices it can work. Once you finish school, the love grows stronger, and you are both older you will have to make a decision on relocating or ending the relationship. Love is such a crazy thing, it has no boundaries or cares, time and strength within one another will treat you well. For now, enjoy your time with your man like I am doing with my girl have fun, party the semester away and enjoy his graduation and just HAVE FUN!!!!!!
Got a problem? Email it to Heather and Dave at scribe@bridgeport.edu
Editors Note:
It goes without saying that if you take any of this advice seriously and end up disfigured, in jail, or dead, we at The Scribe do not claim any responsibility. Thank you.