Disclaimer
The aticles in this section are Jokes for the April Fool’s Day 2006Dedicated to consistent misinformation and journalistic dishonesty. We strive for complete fabrication, however if we inadvertently print the truth, sorry…our bad.
Venezuela and the United States have never seen eye to eye (at least not while Bush has been president). President Bush is a republican; he is from Texas and has been strongly criticized for his decision to go to war with Iraq. Hugo Chavez is a leftist, Venezuelan who views himself as the great almighty leader of Venezuela. Bush and Chavez are both a little ego-maniacal, so you would think they would get on very well? Why does Venezuela threaten to take away oil from the U.S and President Bush criticize Chavez for becoming friends with Castro? What is so alarming about two South American dictators becoming friends? It is not like they have any sinister plans up their sleeves? Rulers get lonely sometimes and need a friend to turn to.
In an attempt to try to get these two to better understand one another the U.N. held a meeting between the two leaders so that the press could pit them against each other. From the transcripts I think we can all get a better understanding of the problem is.
United Nations Secretary-General Kofi Annan began the conference by asking general questions to both leaders such as their views on their economic decisions and status of relations between the two countries, the war on Iraq and oil. We didn’t think that part of the transcript was very interesting the part which we have printed was towards the end of the meeting.
Kofi Annan: “President Bush how have you dealt with the backlash of your administration’s decision to go to war with Iraq?”
Bush: “Well I felt that it was something we had to do because um. (furrowing brow he is obviously thinking very hard) because we felt that Saadam Hussein was a threat and that something had to be done about the people of Iraq’s status in society. They needed a democratic rule to make their society better.”
Chavez: (Through interpreter) “I think he’s lying and I think he did it because he’s just plain stupid like all Americans are.”
Bush: “Nuuhhh uhhh you’re stupider! I don’t care cause I have more power than you so ha!”
Chavez: “Excuse me, who’s the stupid one? You went in and invaded a country that never had any ‘weapons of mass destruction’!”
Bush: “Damn that was a good one! You are clever for a Mexican.”
Chavez: “How many times do I have to tell you I’m not Mexican?! Do you see me wearing a sombrero and a multicolored poncho? Do not make me set my security on you.”
Bush: “Oh sorry Mr. Chavezzes, I am so sorry I get you all confused sometimes. You all look similar to me like that Vicente Fox guy. Where is he from again?”
Chavez: “He’s the Mexican you idiot! And it’s Chavez. I swear you say, ‘Don’t mess with Texas’ but you all are too dumb to know if anyone is messing with you. When is this thing over? I can’t be here with this guy anymore. He might try something here and now. What if this was a distraction to get me away from Venezuela so that Bush could take it over?! Ha, Bush I am so on to you no one can fool Hugo Chavez! I knew it all along and that is why I am cutting you off from my oil so your people can whine about high gas prices. Yes, I see where this is going and I’ve foiled your plan. Thank you for the press conference, but I must get back and protect my country from Mr. Democracy here and his secret service people. “
Bush: “Yeah um. maybe we should call it a day fellas cause Dick Cheney was talking about going duck hunting and I don’t want to miss that. Don’t worry though he’s going to steer clear of quails after what happened last time. Well I hope ya’ll stick with “Operation freedom” and thanks for this conference even though I barely understood that guy I hate it when they talks all Es pan yol. (turning to speak to Chavez) Do Mexicans talk so fast?”
Chavez: “You son of a b****!” (Chavez lunges at Bush who turns heel and runs trying to escape through a side door only to find that it cannot be opened because it is strictly for decoration and then scrambles to try to find another one.)
Needless to say Chavez was restrained by Kofi Annan and Bush’s security finally directed him to correct door so both men left still not having their differences resolved, but I am fairly certain that there will be more opportunities for these two men to make amends or Bush might just invade Iran and forget about Chavez altogether.