Disclaimer
The aticles in this section are Jokes for the April Fool’s Day 2006Dedicated to consistent misinformation and journalistic dishonesty. We strive for complete fabrication, however if we inadvertently print the truth, sorry…our bad.
President Neil Albert Salonen stormed a budget meeting last Tuesday demanding fifty million dollars for a project to create a tunnel uniting Bodine Hall with the other undergraduate dormitories. The budget committee immediately halted the proceeding in order to hear the President’s proposal. The plans, which The Scribbler can exclusively reveal, were drawn on a cocktail napkin and do not include Warner Hall. President Salonen stated in a statement given following the meeting that “Warner Hall residents are for the most part international and graduate students and we don’t care if they are connected to the rest of the campus.” Upon further explanation the members of the budget committee were told that the fifty million dollars would not be utilized for the completion of the entire project, but for the ground breaking ceremony and completion of the first foot of the tunnel. Finance Department insiders claim that it could take five hundred million dollars and seventy years to complete the tunnel. The project received approval and the ground breaking ceremony will take place early next fall; the first foot is scheduled for completion sometime in the spring of 2011.