The University of Bridgeport’s gymnastics team has decided to turn in their tights and stop competing at tournaments and start playing Wii Fit for the Nintendo Wii console. Though still not available to the general public in the US, Nintendo decided to give the boards to UB gymnasts simply because, “We enjoy watching hot women play the Wii.”The game comes with a board placed on the floor. The board has sensors that measure your height and weight and movements while on the board. The game is comprised of several “minigames” that involve total body movement. Some of the sports covered are Soccer, doing a hula hoop, and other various forms of yoga and aerobics.
“I would so much rather compete with the Wii Fit than with actual gymnastics, as now I don’t have to leave my room or get hit on by fifty year old men! I can even do it in a sweatshirt and sweatpants! Much better than those uncomfortable tights,” said Suzy Bendsalot, a Sophomore here at UB.
As a result, all sports coaches have been fired and replaced with the Nintendo Wii. One student who wished to remain anonymous said, “It’s obvious why the coaches were fired. The Wii is infallible and only costs $250! F**king s**t, man, that’s thousands of dollars saved! We could build another soccer field for that!”
Shortly after, the student became so excited, he had a heart attack in the middle of Marina dining hall. The paramedics were too busy playing “Amateur Surgeon” on Adult Swim’s website to care and the student died. A funeral will be held when Nintendo releases a free downloadable game called, “Wii Die” sometime in the near future.
THIS JUST IN! Reporters everywhere have been replaced with Nintendo Wii consoles due to a new game just released called, “Wii Write and Report.” I’ve just been handed my pink slip, so now I’ll turn it over to your Nintendo Wii.
DOO DOO DOO DOO..checking everybody votes.
NEW WORLDWIDE QUESTION!
Would you rather have GREEN: a Nintendo Wii PINK: A Nintendo Gamecube
THE RESULTS ARE IN! GREEN WINS!
You have an accuracy rating of 100%. You have lots of thoughts, personality, experience, but no knowledge (because no one can ever have all of them). And you are .1 miles away from that extremely happy looking blue city!
Time to play Mario Galaxy!
SUPER MARIO GALAXY!