The Albert Bernhard Center here on campus has been without running water fountains since this past summer. After an article in the September issue of The Scribe, Italian billionaire Tomuchio Dinerio decided to resolve the issue by sending a beautifully hand carved fountain to be placed on the first floor of the arts and humanities center.Work started on the fountain in late November and has recently finished. One man, who wanted us to call him “P7,” described the grand opening of the fountain quite eloquently. “It’s about damn time! I’m freakin’ thirsty here!”
Students who were asked about their thoughts on the fountain said, “We have an arts and humanities building? Where the hell is that?!? Iranistan Ave? Isn’t that where that strip club is?” Another student stated, “Is it a chocolate fountain? How about a beer fountain? Well, if it’s neither, how the heck am I supposed to get through my art history classes?”
I asked a student in the design department what they thought, but they were too busy having a wet t-shirt contest in the fountain to answer my question. For those who are interested in the outcome of the wet t-shirt contest, all contestants were winners (at least in my book, and that’s the only one that counts).
I went to Barnum hall to talk to the second floor men’s side about the fountain, as a few of them are in the ABC every day. Chris Grandprix (a formula one fan who legally changed his name to better match his love of the game) was far too busy playing “Barbie’s Dream House” to even care that I had broken into his room and was now interrogating him.
William Blanks, who I think is a fan of the gym on campus, was too busy stretching with a ketchup bottle. All in all, I am amazed.I managed to get out of there alive. Not to mention the amount of spandex in that man’s room was frightening. I felt like I was put in a time warp back to 1981, which actually means I was still a twinkle in my parent’s eyes as I was born in 1984.
But now I’m off topic. What was I talking about again? RIGHT, the fountain. What a terrible movie. I mean, what was Hugh Jackman thinking.oh, wrong fountain. Long story short, we’ve got water. Now if we could just get students to show up to concerts held in the building, we’d be all set.