Move over Hogwarts! University of Bridgeport will now be adding Magic classes to its already unique list of courses. It is now possible to get a Bachelor’s Degree in Magical Arts. With the arrival of magician Norman Ng, many were exposed to some of the lessons the future Dean of Magical Arts will be providing in his program.
Upon Ng’s visit to UB, the young magician came to speak with board members on setting up requirements and lesson plans for the future major. Ng along with other magicians who will plan to work as Magic professors, presented a 3500 page thesis on the importance of Magic, a detailed outline of the program and how it will be set up. The proposal was approved earlier in the year.
Courses that will be made available include: Intro to Illusions, Foundations
of Card tricks, Cutting bodies in half, and Pulling Rabbits out of Hats 101. Instead of a senior thesis paper, Magical Arts majors will be required to perform their tricks before Dean Ng and a review board of top magicians.
The innovative program is expected to bring more potential students to UB and increase the student population.
Density Stepanite a freshman who is undecided at UB stated, “I can’t wait for this. I went to the show and saw Ng perform and I was amazed. I want to learn how to do it and now I want to become a magician.”
All students who wish to be admitted to the Magic Program must pass a basic
test of magical abilities. The first steps to defeat the mighty Balrog, which was shipped to us by a very hairy short man from Middle Earth named Merry (what a lame name). Apparently, the Balrog is a fan of the backstreet boys (memo to future students: BRING BACKSTREET BOYS ATIRE. He
won’t kill you if you’re wearing his
favorite band!).,
The second test is a simple one: explain the magical principals of the Universe in one word. Anyone who is worth anything should be able to do this (anyone who isn’t worth anything can’t possibly be reading this as they are made of nothing.unless you’re in a black hole, then you’re in a whole different ball game).
The third test: name your favorite
color. Simple, yes? WRONG. You must name the color using the language of the Protoss. The problem is that every time you go up to a Zealot and ask them what their color is, they’re stabbing you with their energy swords. Good luck with that, buddy. I’m just going to send my ghost in and tactically nuke the bastards!
All applications must be sent in by
owls no later than fifteen minutes ago.
Sucks to be you.