Alcoholics ‘Corner

At long last, spring is here; and it’s about damn time. Hopefully, this means no more snow and slush and just plain old shi**y weather. It also means summer is just around the corner and that also means bathing suit season. We all know alcohol can be very fattening, especially beer, hence the term “beer-gut.” For those of you who want to shed those inactive winter pounds but don’t want to give up the
end of semester partying, I have a few interesting tips for you that can be managed without even spilling your beer.
Every good workout starts with a nice round of stretching. Without the proper stretches one can get seriously hurt and even though the pain won’t be felt at the time of intoxication it will definitely be felt when your nerves come back to life. For stretching I recommend a rousing round of everyone’s favorite limb tangler, Twister. Not only is twister “Fun for the whole family” It acts as a GREAT comic relief for spectators and participants alike. Also by bending and twisting your body into positions comfortable only to contortionists you are
bound to stretch muscles you didn’t even know you had.
Next, lets move on to an upper body workout. My personal favorite would be bicep curls. With a beer in one hand, and a cigarette in the other, and a sip, puff, sip, puff and that’s 2 reps right there. You don’t smoke you say? Easily solved. Just grab another beer and be a champ by double fisting. After all, you wouldn’t want an un-balanced workout would you?
Next up is cardio. We’ve all been out at a bar or club and have seen some people on the dance floor making a complete ass out of themselves convinced that they can actually dance. What you don’t know is that these people aren’t delusional, they know they look funny. They are just trying to shed the pesky pounds they put on while striving toward the state of intoxication. Plus have you ever been to an aerobics or cardio class with a chance of making out during the actual class? If you’re out dancing you
also have that added bonus of taking Mr. /Mrs. “make out” home in hopes of continuing the cardio “activity.”
That should get you all started off on the right foot. Not so much as an actual routine but more of a starting point. You get the idea. Now, all you have to do is drink and be inspired. Anything can be turned into exercise with enough ingenuity, imagination, and lack of effort. So good luck. I hope these suggestions help you keep on drinking without keeping the pounds, and wherever you and your slim self go, remember to be safe, have fun, and have a drink for me.