***Editor’s Note: These are not the views of the University or of The Scribe, neither UB, nor The Scribe condone the overconsumption of alcohol and do not encourage readers to engage in these sorts of activities. “Alcoholic’s Corner’s,” sole purpose is entertainment. Please Drink Responsibly.
Now that I’ve left all 10 of you that actually read my article in suspense from last week’s saga, I have something I want to say before I continue the Rutgers weekend of debauchery.
You ready?
I made it all up. And for all of you who actually believed the story . . . well, you’re in college, get some common sense. Actually a lot of it really did happen, just not all in the same night . . . no one passes out standing up, onto a couch (although a friend of mine once did it in my backyard before). Many events of that story really did take place, I just exaggerated and combined them to ruffle some feathers over at Health Services, but alas, no letters. I do have to say that, Health Services, you disappoint me.
See, here’s the story. Alcoholics’ Corner has been around for years, at least its been around for as long as I’ve been here and ever since it started nobody in Health Services has had a problem (or I should say never had a big enough problem) to write letters. Now, I’ve read these past columns and have noticed they are not much more than drink recipes and drinking game rules. Now that’s funny, because I’ve heard somewhere that drinking games were banned on campus (something I don’t agree with, but hey, sh** happens.)
Printing drink recipes, wouldn’t that be encouraging people to drink? And what about drinking games – the point of most of which is to consume much more alcohol a lot faster than one normally would. Oh well, I guess whoever writes the letters for Health Services just skimmed over those articles. Yet, when I start writing it, I get a response for each of the first two articles I write.
Now I understand that when my name comes up a few red flags go up at health services, especially when I write about inebriation due to my sorted history at this university. I’m not complaining. But when no letters have been written about any other Alcoholics’ Corner in the past? I don’t remember Rick ever receiving rebuttals from HS.
Now don’t get me wrong, far be it from me to complain. All jokes and sarcasm aside, I would actually like to thank those of you at Health Services who have been writing about my lovely column. It shows me at least SOMEONE is reading it. Also all the letters you wrote about my columns have given me plenty of ideas for even more fun columns. So I have to say that this one goes out to all those at Health Services who like to write letters. Keep them coming folks, I look forward to it. In the immortal words of Humphrey Bogart “This could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship.”
Last week’s and this week’s articles are evidence of that. And now that that’s over with, on to the fun stuff:
Boys and girls, we are at the close of yet another portion of our collegiate years. This means cramming for exams, writing papers, and finishing projects. All-niters filled with caffeine, late night diner runs, and nervous breakdowns. And what do we have to look forward to after that? For those of you who live on campus it means going home for the holidays which always seems like a great idea: “Yay, can’t wait to go home.” Then you get there, spend three days, and start counting the days till you move back to our little paradise away from home, good ol’ UB, and thus the cycle starts all over again.
So to not make anyone mad (yet) here are some recipes for the holiday season, Old school AC style.
Stand up comedian Lewis Black’s Fantastic Eggnog recipe.
“Nyquil has the best thing I’ve ever read on a medicine package, 180 proof. It’s the moonshine of medicine. You can buy it on a holiday . . . Nyquil comes in two colors, red and green. It’s the only thing on the planet that tastes like… Red and Green, and red and green are what? Christmas colors. That’s right, Nyquil makes a dandy Eggnog. Yeah yea, my friends bitched through the whole party ‘This tastes like shit.’ but at the end of it, we had a fun sleepover.”
And a fun little Christmas Shooter for you
Ingredients:
1.5 oz. Melon liqueur
1.5 oz. Chambord
Directions:
This is a layered shot, for best effect use a tall thin liquer glass. Pour half shot Chambord first, then slowly pour half shot Midori over the back of a spoon into the glass. If done correctly, you should have a layered red and green shot perfect for celebration, if not-a muddy brown mess.
And as always be safe, have fun, and have a drink for me (Especially all my new friends at Health Services).