Just when you thought television programming could get no worse, it plunged to a new low with the debut of ABC’s reality show “Are You Hot? The Search For America’s Sexiest People.” But we really should have expected this. We should have known we were inviting trouble when we allowed the Walt Disney Co. to buy a TV network. First, Bambi, and now, this.The new show is modeled after “American Idol,” but instead of evaluating singing ability, the three judges rate contestants on face, body and overall sex appeal. In other words, the judges — designer Randolph Duke, supermodel Rachel Hunter and actor Lorenzo Lamas — spend an entire hour pretending they’re back in high school.
Tenth-grade boy: “Dude, did you check out her body? She’s so hot, my braces are beginning to melt. I’d rate her a perfect 10.”
Friend: “What about her personality?”
Tenth-grader: “She has a great personality. And it looks darn good in those jeans!”
But while schoolboys tend to keep their comments to themselves, the judges share theirs with the entire country, thrilling some of the swimsuit-clad contestants, disheartening others. “I’m giving you a five for your face, mostly because your mustache is a little too thick. I’m giving a six for your body, because your breasts look too natural. And I’m giving a nine for sex appeal, because, although some of your body parts are lacking, I love the way you shake them.”
Lorenzo searches for flaws the way a tax accountant looks for loopholes. And when he finds them, he uses a laser pointer to beam a green dot on them. “Did you realize, young man, that one of your nose hairs is longer than the others? I’m deducting five points for that.”
What bothers me most about the show is not that it’s so superficial, not that it objectifies men and women, not that Rachel Hunter doesn’t take the trouble to wear a swimsuit. What bothers me most is that the body image being promoted, particularly for women, is so out of step with reality. If I needed to raise money quick, I’d take segments of the show and broadcast them in Kuwait and Saudi Arabia, imploring people to help feed the starving babes of America. “Just $500 a month will provide a ‘hot’ American woman with enough food to regain the other half of her body.”
Since when did the word “sexy” apply only to skinny women? Last time I checked, millions of men around the world were getting turned on by wives and girlfriends who, even on the coldest of days, couldn’t warm themselves inside their toasters.
Some women, of course, are naturally thin — and that’s just fine. But to impose one beauty ideal on all women only encourages eating disorders and other problems. Instead of looking in the mirror and asking themselves, “Am I hot or what?” too many women turn to their husbands and ask a potentially marriage-ending question: “Does this dress make me look fat?”
Imagine if the amply-proportioned and oh-so-sexy Mariah Carey appeared on the ABC show.
Lorenzo: “Turn around, Mariah. Ah, just as I thought. You’re carrying some extra baggage. Sorry, that just won’t fly on this airline.”
Mariah: “No problem, pretty boy, because I just bought my own airline. It’s called Air Reality. You should try it sometime.